Today I will:
walk around town
take pictures
get dishes cleaned
wash some laundry
make a grocery list
breathe
I bought some studio type lights today. I should get them next week. They are not the best out there, but they were the best I could afford. I have some portraits coming up:
1. engagement portraits for sisters sister in law
2. maternity shoot
3. Mr. L's cousins Family (actually 5 families in one)
4. my own family
5. wedding in april
I need the practice. I am excited to possibly start making a few bucks with this hobby. It will take a while before a profit is made since I am still investing in equipment and still not real good at the portraits yet.
My cousin is opening her own salon and wants some of my photos as display (and to sell). I am slowly putting myself out there. That is tough for me. I hate promoting myself, I feel like it makes me sound cocky. Need to get over that.
Today's grateful things:
1. I did something silly today and it made Mr. L laugh and smile all the way to the car when he left for work. That made me feel giddy.
2. the sunshine, it is supposed to be 64 today! Nice!
3. It does not feel like such a strain to smile today, the last few weeks my cheeks felt like they were weights and it makes it so hard to smile.
4. the colors of autumn
5. miss Luna who woke me with her little dance on my shoulder and sweet little mews
I looked down one side of the sidewalk, then down the other, and went where there were leaves to be crunched under my feet. This was how I made all my direction choices all through town. My head was swirling with what I should have said, if it would have even be heard, thinking of hurtful things said and done. I was not in an awesome place, but I was working it out in my head like I try to do. Talking about it out loud seems to inflame it more, to write about it and ponder it feels safer. I feel like it does not give it the power it needs, it stays quiet and manageable.
Crunching tiny yellow japanese maple eaves under my shoes I noticed someone already had thanksgiving decorations up on the house. One large sign read "Count Your Blessings!" with a very goofy turkey staring me in the eye. I thought "okay Turkey, I will try and switch my train of thought, because I DO have plenty of blessings to count". As I walked another festive home had a thanksgiving flag that read "Be Thankful". By this time my thoughts had grown dark again. I was feeling lonely and wanted to only take pictures of solitude and I was finding none. I Began to think of things I was thankful for, instead of the things I was not grateful for. The sky started turning dark, it was going to rain soon. I started back home.
While I walked I thought how I have lost a little bit of my appetite for photography, lost a little bit of my inspiration. Then when I was almost home, my cell rang, it was designer and he was checking on what color scarf and gloves I wanted. I was happy to hear they would be coming soon. Then when I entered my house I sat at the computer with a cup of hot apple cider and read my emails. My cousin is opening a salon and she wants to sell some of my photos there, and also wants them on her walls. ;-) Love when the universe gives me the nudge to keep going. After chatting with cousin on the phone, I decided to just take a gander at a few blogs that make me smile, like ICHC or Cuteoverload and This one, and what should I find but a photo of a tiny book that you are to list your grateful things in. ;-)
I am grateful for:
*sunshine in the fall
*fresh hot apple cider
*soft bath robe
*hot showers
*homemade leftover split pea soup
*Mr. L
*the kittehs and turtle girl
*silence
*reality (when confronted with one who lives in a world that is not true, reality is good)
*laughter
*art
*tuesdays
*colors
*naps
*people who are willing to listen without analyzing
*goats (yes goats)
*apple fritters
*today
Go forth and fill your libraries with media.
Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.
Happy Halloween, everyone! Hope you enjoy the festivity of giddy little ghosts, dragons and fairies at your door. Be sweet and give them a treat.
Here's a treat for you!
"Brother and sister", 15" x 14 1/16", watercolor, India ink and pastel, 140 lb paper.
I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.
I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.
Cheers,
The sky opens up tonight and down comes our first snow. I see the space of air swirling between the swaths of white. I am not ready for this, I think. Just not yet. Later, okay. The boys tromp around and come inside. Then out again. And back in. The cocoa is made, the real kind like my mom makes. Spaces in the heart open up. I think about when I was seven and my sister and my brother lived in a big white house with stained wallpaper. Think there were pictures of teapots and flowers on that wallpaper. The hubby calls and he will be late. But it's fine because this soup gets better if it cooks longer. I feel ragged. I feel swell. I think about heaven and hell and how it is all so weird to categorize a life after like that. Here I am and I am in love with people and if I don't like someone, well I will eventually because it is my nature to try and try to make it all right, to hope beyond hope, at least inside my heart. And hell doesn't belong to anyone. Nor does heaven. Those are a fool's gambles. More spaces open up in my mind. There's a little Nick Drake on the player now. Before that, The Clash. The soup is too watery, so I mix in some potatoes, flour and water. And butter. I think good thoughts because that all goes in there too with the ingredients. I think of Rakel and how I love her. Darling. And now... there's another space and it is for me to step into. The night opens up and soon I'll be sleeping in it with some dreams, a jumble of me of you of friends from long ago of soup of spiders of kisses of snow of boys of husband of love of....
Forest.
Drawn.
Too many words with very little meaning to me to explain how I feel on this day. I can only think back to experiences and let it pour over me... what I've seen. Yesterday I celebrated my son's fifth birthday. Today I've been married for 16 years. It's a lot to me.
Bad news. As many of you have probably noticed, the Amazon Conduit was not fixed in the last week's release. Unfortunately, there was an undetected bug that is preventing the conduit from working.
We are working on this bug fix and hope to have the Conduit back up and running this week.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you for being so patient.
We saw it last night.
It was good, don't get me wrong, just not what I expected. It was one of those kids movies that is not really great for most kids. Not that it was too scary or anything. Just very complex emotions. It was a lot more emotional and melancholy that I had hoped. Here is my take on it.
I think they wanted us to see what it was like inside the head of a child who has ADHD or a mild form of autism. The internal struggle these children face at all times. They know what they are supposed to do and act, but their body is doing something completely different. They have no control at times. I saw a few of the children I cared for at the daycare in Max, and hoped they see the movie. I hoped the parents saw the movie and saw their child in Max as well.
It was a very sad and moody movie. I was on the brink of tears near the end, then a father had to remove his little girl from the theater because she started sobbing so hard she could hardly catch her breath. I lost it then. I felt so bad for the little girl. It was one of those moments like in Bambi, when it is just so sad. The movie was quite heavy.
I think parents should view this before letting a child view it. Some kids may not be able to handle it. Others may feel a connection with Max and be so grateful to have their own struggles up there on the screen, let them know there is nothing wrong with them, they are just not your everyday average kid, and they are not the only ones.
Visually the movie was absolutely stunning, SO beautiful. The sculptures looked like something Andrew Goldsworthy created, the colors are muted and lovely, the monsters look incredible! But it was a very emotionally driven movie. It left me with a different melancholy feeling than I had when I walked in.
I wanted to love the film so much.
Blog Action Day is every October 15th, when blogger are asked to post something about a single issue to show our strength and conviction as an online community. It's a great way to feel connected to the greater good, and the participation of so many bloggers to support the world's leading non-profit organizations is something you can do to help, right now. By blogging today, you're supporting some of the world's leading non-profits and sharing your voice for change.
This year's topic is climate change, and we'd love to read your thoughts on the topic. If you participate, leave us a link to your post in the comments, so we know to check out your post!
Go to www.blogactionday.org to learn more, get a badge for your blog showing your participation, and see some ideas for your post on climate change.
Can't wait to read your posts!
~ daisy
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